Us train riders are generally accustomed to seeing various working dogs at the train station in White Plains. The K-9 officers are often there, accompanied by their assortment of German Shepherds and Labrador Retrievers. But today, we had two special visitors. I had the pleasure to meet two young women, Danniela and Michelle, along with two young service dogs – Carly and Dina. Representing Heeling Autism, a part of Guiding Eyes for the Blind, they were at the station to get fundraising support. They weren’t looking for money, though – they just need your vote!

You may have seen commercials or advertisements for Pepsi Refresh. It isn’t a new soft drink – but a project to “Refresh America” by “giving away millions in grants to refresh individuals and communities.” Ideas are presented on Pepsi’s website, where people can vote. The top two organizations voted for will get a monetary grant from Pepsi. Heeling Autism is one of many groups in the running for this grant money. They are a Westchester-based organization that places service dogs with children with autism. If you’re curious about them, here is a great video from News-12.

So what can you do to help? Heeling Autism needs your votes, which you can do online here. You can also text 101731 to 73774. You are allowed to vote once per method every day, and voting ends August 31st. You aren’t charged anything by voting, just for the cost of the text message if you don’t have a texting plan.

Look at that adorable puppy face… doesn’t that make you just want to go and vote?

Be sure to vote and help this Westchester organization the funding that it needs!

Every once and a while in White Plains station I see officers from MTA PD’s K-9 unit… and each time I see them, I always have the desire to chat. But I never do. That is, until today.

Meet Berta, who is quite the cutie. I had a short chat with Berta’s handler while waiting for my train this evening (me being the moron I am, forgot to ask him his name!). Ever since reading an article in the New York Times about the MTA’s dogs, I had a question. What is up with the price gap? The NYT stated that male dogs were more expensive than females. I had to ask Berta’s handler. Are the females… less effective?

He laughed at the question. “Definitely not,” he said. The two dogs he works with, Berta, and a German Shepherd, are both female. He was also skeptical that there exists any price difference between the male and female dogs. Although Berta’s job is to sniff out explosives, her handler jokes that she really excels at sniffing out chocolate chip cookies. Shame on you, Berta, dogs aren’t supposed to eat chocolate!

And there you have it. Dog themed posts two days in a row. I do think I need to clean myself up now… I seem to have dog fur all over my shirt…

I think it is about time that I reclassify the person I refer to as Johnny as one of the White Plains waiting room crazies. I’ve mentioned him before, and that although I’ve seen him smoke with some of the other crazy people, he wasn’t doing anything to really classify himself along with those people. After some of the recent incidents in the waiting room, I have to change my mind. Shouting “fear the deer!” at everyone passing by is a bit odd, but maybe the Bucks won the night before, so I could somewhat understand it. After that he began squawking like a bird, “Fuck you!” to all of the people passing by. A few people looked as if they wanted to punch him, which certainly would have made for some great waiting room video, but a fight never did break out. When he got tired of that, he started talking to nobody in particular how there was a really obnoxious lady on his train that was talking on her cell and wouldn’t shut up. He mimed holding a phone, and kept going “Blah, blah, blah…” over and over. Sir, I agree she was probably annoying, but you are as well, if not even more annoying than she.

I suppose Johnny got tired of all of that, and decided to do something different with his time: hit on ladies in the waiting room. When it was clear that just shouting out “Hey Baby!” was getting him nowhere, he tried a different tact. He went up to the women, and pretended like he knew them. “Don’t you remember me?” It was obvious to everyone else in the waiting room that he didn’t know any of these women. Because as one would pass by, he used the same line on the next. And the next. This is not the first time I’ve witnessed crazy guys attempting to hit on women in this way on the train. Except of course that incident was on the subway, the man later gave up on pursuing women, and he then proceeded to unzipper his pants and pee out the door of the moving train. Is this a common way that guys attempt to pick up girls in the city? Or is it just reserved for the crazies?

A few days later, also in the waiting room in White Plains, I heard crying. Or what I thought was crying. Curious, I looked over to see what was going on. It was not a person crying, it was in fact a small dog, whimpering. The lady who owned the dog told everyone that she was probably scared of all the people, and apologized. I like dogs. Every time I see them on the train, I want to pet them. Or take pictures of them…

This is the dog. I believe her name was Gigi (and hopefully not Gigli). Gigi looks quite similar to my sister’s dog, whom I’ve dubbed Shittles. Living up to his name, one day Shittles fell in the toilet. This caption has little relevance to the story.

I know I have mentioned this subject before, but what do you think about dogs riding Metro-North? (Mind you, I am talking about pet animals, and not service or helping animals of any kind) Of the various MTA agencies, it seems that Metro-North has the more lenient policy when it comes to animals. Long Island Rail Road, as well as New York City Transit (subway and bus) policy is as follows:

Small domestic pets are permitted provided they are carried in kennels or similar containers that can be accommodated by you on your lap without annoyance to other passengers.

Metro-North’s policy contains a little addition…

Small domestic pets are permitted provided they’re carried in kennels or similar containers, or are securely controlled on leashes throughout the trip and do not annoy other customers. Pets should not occupy seats and are subject to approval by the conductor.

Perhaps that is what annoys me about dogs on Metro-North. The leash thing. I like dogs, really, I do. But I hate seeing dogs on leashes being led through the aisles of the train. Or laying and blocking the aisle of the train. Even if the dog was not in any sort of crate, but the owner held the dog while walking, I would find this more acceptable. And I do find it rather bothersome when a person with a small dog on a leash exits the train. There is that little gap that we hear so much about. I know dogs can do tricks and jump over stuff and all, but I do fear that your little chihuahua might not be able to handle it, and that he’s going to fall in the gap. After all, if it were a small child, you’d certainly be holding their hand while stepping over that gap. Why not just pick that dog up?

I am curious what other folks think about dogs on Metro-North. I don’t think I am really annoyed by them, but I do worry about their safety on the train. Should Metro-North be more strict are require them to stay in kennels, like the LIRR? I do recall seeing a woman with a cat in a baby carriage… which is more safe than by leash, I suppose.

Search engines are amazing, magical things. You type stuff in that box, and wow, it just miraculously finds what you need! Provided you type in something relatively normal, that is. Like cats. You can find a crapload of stuff on the internet about cats. Normal people might search for something like that. Even people that are more or less outliers in the whole scheme of “normality” might search for cats. But if you are typing into google, her panties get wet on the train ride, you are a sick bastard.

Apparently I do have readers that are in fact sick bastards. Every few weeks I fire up my statistics log of the site, and I can view what people type into search engines in order to find this blog. And many people find it by typing in Harlem Line. But apparently the number one thing people want to know about is about drinking beer on the trains. Yes, you can drink beer on Metro-North. But it would also be great if instead of leaving your empty bottles/cans on the train, you dispose of them when you get off. I mean, that is a perfectly relevant query. If you are the type of person that wants to get drunk on your way to the city to get drunk. Or to drown your sorrows after work. If you ask google about drinking beer, I don’t think anything bad of you. But if you search google for free videos of asses groped on buses or trains, you are a sick bastard.

The other big thing that people search for and end up finding my site, are about dogs riding Metro-North. They want to know if dogs can ride, and if they are charged a fee in order to ride. Yes, small dogs can ride Metro-North. We do ask that you keep the dog on a leash, or in a crate, as to not disturb other passengers. Service animals are of course, always accepted. There is no fee for a dog to ride, but it is always up to the conductor as to whether your animal is bothering other passengers. I suppose animals riding the train is a valid query. Maybe you were heading down to the ASPCA in the city and were going to adopt a new family member? Certainly you would want said family member to be able to ride the train back home. But if you wanted to know can fat people ride the train?, well, you aren’t a sick bastard, but you are an asshole.

Honest to god, do you think I am kidding? My stats are even arranged into spectacular graphs.

Are you ready to lose a few IQ points? Because I can lead you down into the bowels of civilization, beyond the darkness, beyond the subway rats. These are the layers of hell. And what do people in hell search for on the internet?

i shit trains – You may want to have a doctor look at that
why man places hand down pants while sleeping – I don’t know, but you may want to have a doctor look at that too.
guy shows his butt on the hudson line - Was this man mooning your train as it sped by? Were you hoping there would be pictures?
the fattest guy to show his butt crack on a metro north train seat – were you hoping there would be pictures of that too?
pictures of pee puddles – Please, seriously, please tell me why you would want to see that?
smelly water on mta trains – Yes, I believe that is found in a place that most people call the bathroom. If you have any sense, you don’t even sit anywhere near that car
i saw a pigeon get run over by a bus and i like it – What do you mean by “like”? If you fapped to it, not only are you a sick bastard, but you also are going to straight hell. Would you prefer the aisle or window seat?
get rid of metro north conductor – Were you looking for a how-to book? How to get rid of your conductor in three easy steps, so you can ride the fucking train and not have to pay, currently available for preorder on Amazon.com.
lady pilot fucking lady passengers – Well we do know that some guys have fantasies of doing it with female train conductors on trains. It would be quite logical for people to feel the same way about pilots, right? Though currently I do think there is a general moratorium on joining the mile-high club, because if you are in the plane bathroom for anything more than five minutes, there may be an emergency landing, and you’re going to get cavity searched to determine whether you have any dynamite stuck up your ass. So please folks, stick to trains. But not my train, thanks.

So tell me now… do you feel more stupid than you were five minutes ago? I certainly do. Tell all your friends to google I ride the harlem line, and preferably not other complete bits of sick nonsense. Otherwise I may be forced to inform them that they are a fricken sick bastard.

Metro North says that the day before Thanksgiving is the busiest train day of the year. And I certainly believe it. Though any day right before a long weekend tends to be rather busy, yesterday I definitely saw the most people I ever have on my train. When I got on at White Plains there were massive amounts of people, barely enough room to get on the train. All the seats were taken, and people were standing.

Or lounging around in the aisles, while wearing ugly boots, taken after Valhalla when most of the standing folks had exited

Though of course human passengers were not the only ones on board. There were a few canines as well, like this delightful ten-month old pup named Jasmine:

The waiting room was surprisingly empty at White Plains though, and the morning trains were fairly empty. You lucky people that didn’t actually have to work yesterday. But of course there was this one creepy guy, carrying four boxes that on the outside said they contained blood drawing needles, and kept studying a photocopy of a paper that had pictures of guns all over it.

Anyways, enjoy the holiday folks, Happy Thanksgiving!