Female train conductors… boy does Craigslist have a deal for you! Do you have “fantasies” of sex on the train? Apparently there is one man who does, and he wants the world to know!

I am sure that there is one woman conductor out there that would like to fool around on metro north train, and live out a fantasy,i will be taking the 6:46 tomorrow morning from ossing and the 5:56 this evening, would love to orally please a woman, hispanic male 5;4 stocky build, d& d free

This was my amusement of the morning, since I have google alerts set up to email me when new websites and news articles are posted about Metro-North and the Harlem Line. I doubt this desperate guy is going to get any, but I have no illusions, I’m certain people have done this on the train before.

In other news, the delightful Santa Claus man, the resident drunk of Goldens Bridge station, had a little bit of an “issue” the other night. His pants were, well, they were soaked. In a drunken stupor he pissed himself. So here’s a little expert tip for you: don’t sit on the benches at the station.

Other than that, this has been a pretty much uneventful week… enjoy the rest of it!

The Japanese-designed M8 cars for the New Haven Line are coming… for real! The first pair will be shipped on a freighter from Kobe, Japan on Wednesday. After a month at sea, the cars will arrive in Baltimore, and from there will be shipped to New Haven. By March, another three pairs will be arriving, enough for a full eight car train. If all goes well, New Haven Line riders should be seeing M8′s by late next year. All of the cars can run on both third rail power, and from catenary wires. And of course, they are all decked out in a red color scheme: the color of the New Haven Line.

Here are some delightful pictures of the M8. There is even one of the M8′s bathroom. Because admit it, that is really what you wanted to know about.

[View with PicLens]

In other news, nobody got any free rides today on the train. I did happen to catch a glimpse of the other conductor at the back of the train, and I couldn’t help but think that with his big mustache he looked a lot like Wilford Brimley. The Quaker Oats and Liberty Medical guy. And just for good measure, here is a cat that looks like Wilford Brimley, that looks like the train conductor on my train.

I got my DIABEEEEETUS testing supplies from Liberty Medical!

So my morning train so far this week has been conductorless. Not to say he isn’t there, but I just haven’t seen him. Guy got switched to another job, and whoever took his place, well, I don’t know if this guy actually collects tickets. Considering this is a morning peak train going to Grand Central, I would think that tickets would sort of be, I don’t know, important? Really it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other, I have a monthly anyways. But there are a bunch of people that I know don’t, who just happened to get two free rides so far.

Even the school kids that ride the train were like, “Where’s Guy?” I guess he never told them he was leaving. They always liked him though. One morning they had an amusing conversation
Kid: Is your name really Guy?
Guy: Yeah…
Kid: Wow…
Guy: When I was first born, my parents didn’t know what to name me. So back then they called me Boy. Now they call me Guy. And after fifty they’ll be calling me Man.

Oh well. Tomorrow I have to go to the city for a meeting, so I’ll be taking a different train than normal. I won’t see if we go a third day in a row conductorless.

I suppose it is getting rather close to elections, and because politicians apparently adore White Plains, they’ve frequently been hanging around the station. And everybody knows how much I love politicians. Or rather, how I love to draw on their brochures. Last week folks were passing out stuff for Andy Spano. I couldn’t do anything too terrible to his face, because he looks a lot like my now deceased grandfather. I was amused by the fact that along with the brochure, they gave out antibacterial hand gel. What kind of political message does that get across? That we are dirty, dirty people? They totally missed the chance at cheesy marketing: Andy Spano, cleaning up Westchester one person at a time!


I left this on the ground at White Plains, in case one of the crazy people needed it.

In other news, the Cat Girl has returned. There are many people that ride the trains, passengers as well as conductors, that know me merely by the name Cat Girl. All because of my cat hat.

Since the temperature has begun to get colder, I’ve taken out the hat and have been wearing it for the past week or so. I always say that the cat hat spreads joy wherever it goes. Something quite so silly and minor, does in fact make people smile. An elderly disabled war veteran in White Plains. A woman whom I’ve nicknamed Ginger, who told me that every morning she sees me wearing the hat, it makes her smile. A rather effeminate young man was curious to know where one could purchase a hat similar. And you, passenger, I saw that little tug at the side of your lips, a barely-there smile, when I got on the train.

Since I’ve been asked far too many times, the hat was made by the wonderful Susan over at Boshi-Basiik. They make some incredibly cute hand made hats there, so do take a look.

Oh, and if you do happen to see a Cat Girl on the train, be sure to say hello :D

When I started out this blog, it was sort of just a portion of my own personal website. It had the same layout as my site, and was fairly integrated. I have been thinking for quite a while now though, this blog has really taken off in another direction, and is pretty much standing well on it’s own. So I felt that in order to reflect that new identity, the site needed a little bit of change in the aesthetics department. Enjoy the new layout that I’ve made, which I’ll probably be tweaking for a little while now that it is up. I’m not much of an illustrator, but I did want to try doing a little sketch for the title, with the Sky Ceiling in Grand Central in the background.

So what else is changing? Next week brings new schedules to the MTA, and conductors will be changing around their jobs… so you may see some new faces on your trains. I’m quite bummed that all the conductors on my train all got bumped off and had to take jobs on other trains.

Conductor winter wear will also make it’s comeback… though my proposed new hat for MTA conductors was denied.

If you do like changes though, especially changes in the leaves, you must check out the Fall Foliage Rail Excursion, over on the Hudson Line, which will be happening on the 24th. You can find more information about that tour here.

Lastly, if you missed October’s Mileposts, you may have missed some nice deals. When buying tickets for Cirque Du Soleil’s Wintuk, and the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, you can save ten dollars, and get a free round trip train ticket. Just be sure to use the promo code METRO.

One woman at White Plains today had a terrible start to her morning. She was pooped on by a pigeon. Guess they didn’t like her too much. Cue the obligatory pigeon photo…

House painter lady was back again at the train station. “Housepainter! Housepainter! Ma’am do you need a HOUSEPAINTER?!” She just doesn’t quit! Despite the fact that I don’t think I actually saw a single person take one of her cards. At least the politicians hand out their papers, people take them, and promptly throw them in the trash once they get into the station. But hey, at least it feels like they did something!

I saw more delightful youngsters from *unnamed school* at White Plains again… what a wonderful lot of young men. The soccer team felt it would be necessary to brag to everyone on the platform about how they bullied this other young man during lunch, and it turned into the “best lunch ever.” They also laughed about how they would probably end up driving that young man to suicide. And to think that I laughed at the guy who was singing quite loudly the day previous on the platform. I would have much preferred him. Come back singing guy!

I decided to finally get a twitter account for the blog. I just started it out, we’ll see how this goes. If you want you can go and follow me :D

Oh, and before I forget, today is train conductor Guy’s birthday! If you see him, wish him a happy birthday!

This week has been rather hot. The trains have been hot. Some of the air conditioners are not working properly. As conductor Guy said, “It is so hot you could cook brownies in here.”

Inevitably what happens in the heat? People sweat. If you are some of the great people who hang out in the train station of White Plains, sweating doesn’t stop you from wearing your clothes many days in a row… as I doubt you have an entire collection of shirts that say: “My imaginary friend says you have severe mental problems.”

The Chicago-obsessed, taxi screaming, crazy man also wears the same clothing over again. I saw him over by the telephone last night and saw he had some sort of nametag or ticket in the transparent side pocket of his bag. So I walked past him to see what exactly it was. It looked like some sort of train ticket that actually said Chicago on it. It looked nothing like this ticket, but it would be certainly amusing if it had. And if this guy had photoshop skillz, no doubt it would have been like this, instead of a fake computer print-out.

On the other hand, at least these people stay away from me… and they aren’t this guy:

That’s real nice dude, as if putting your feet up on the seats wasn’t nice enough, he decided to take off his dirty, smelly sandals. And then proceeded to pick his feet. Thankfully conductor Peter came around and at least he stopped the feet picking, and put his shoes back on. Is this National Nail Week or something like that? With all the people I’ve seen picking, clipping and painting their nails, you’d think it was. You know what else is good? Showering, and changing your clothes every now and again.

One of the most amusing things I can do as an owner of a website, is look at my web search statistics. Basically, it shows me what people type into google and other search engines to find my site. Quite often there are some crazy keywords, hence the amusement of looking through this list. So I figued it might be amusing to showcase some of the gold I’ve found, answer some questions, and help some people looking for information that you can’t find at my site. Remember that I am not making any of this up, these are all things that people have typed in.

[insert station name] train station parking / is there a ticket booth at [insert station name] / are there taxis at [insert station name] / directions to [insert station name]
Anything you could possibly want to know about any Metro North train station can be found here. Parking info, fares, ticket booth information, elevator status, taxi info, addresses, etc.

[insert station name] schedules / time tables / what time is the train?
MTA has a great schedule system here. You enter in your stations and the time you want to leave/arrive, and it will tell you what trains are available, how long they will be, and whether it is a peak hour train.

Brewster North train station
You’re looking for Southeast. Brewster North was renamed to Southeast several years ago.

Is the harlem line better then the new haven line?
I found it amusing that you had to ask! Of course the Harlem Line is better! Alright, alright, perhaps I am biased. The New Haven line does have barcars, and the blogging train conductor to the stars, Bobby, but we here on the Harlem Line have some pretty cool guys too.

I saw a bus run over a pigeon 2009 / I saw a pigeon run under a bus
Ah, good old pigeons. You must have found the site after I told the story of flattened pigeon. Alas, I didn’t see the actual event, only the aftermath, so I can provide you with no further information.

What is the font used on the grand central train schedules?
This one I know! The good majority of MTA signage and such is done in Helvetica. The station name signs, for example, are in Helvetica Bold Oblique… which is what I used for some very official looking cue cards…

The swine flu is it close to harlem?
Will you begin to panic if I say yes? One silly post about the swine flu, and it looks like everybody is in panic mode. But hey, at least my prediction didn’t come true after all!

Sexy guy with hat on
Hmm… I don’t know exactly what you are looking for, sorry. Do you think train conductor’s hats are sexy? I do have a few pictures of Guy wearing his conductor’s hat… I even have a picture of my dog wearing a conductor’s hat… if you’re into that kinda thing.

Man telling amusing train story with noises
What kinds of noises were these? If they were quacking noises, that might be Curley. Whom I prefer call “The Quack Quack Man.”

Weirdos in penn station
Don’t have any of those yet… I am more of a Grand Central kind of girl. But hey, if I ever see any weirdos the next time I do go over to Penn Station, I’ll certainly let you guys know.

Metro north conductor blog
The only one I am aware of is Derailed, run by the aforementioned New Haven Line conductor,  Bobby. It is a great read, I highly reccomend it.

Mta bee line buses / bee line bus phone number / harlembeelinebus
Check out the Bee Line Bus website here for anything you want to know about them. As far as I know, they are not part of MTA, although they will accept Metro Cards.

Anybody know what happened at the north entrance of grand central
Nope, what happened?

How do you deter pigeons from building nests?
Can’t help you there, sorry. I am always amused by failure in this department, hence the Pigeons: 1, Humans: 1, post. Putting spikes and such in areas pigeons like to nest never really seems to work all that well.

Metro north conductor photos
Why do you ask? Are you feeling a bit stalkerish? To my knowledge I only have a picture of one conductor, and he was aware that it was going to go on my blog. I don’t really want to put pictures of people up without their previous knowledge. So sorry, no “MTA train conductors hot or not” or “MTA Conductors gone wild” here on this blog.

Really though, it is bad enough that I attract creepy people on the train, apparently I do on the blog as well! Whoever typed in “[insert my full name] sex” in google, go fuck yourself, thanks.

Public transportation stories / Metro north railroad blog / Funny people on rides
Well, I am glad that you find this page actually looking for what I am trying to write. I hope you enjoyed some of the craziness here, and definitely come back.

So I’ve heard that some MTA conductors have stumbled upon my silly little blog… so to them I say hello! Somebody, I don’t know who, happened to tell Guy that the pictures of him and his cue cards were online. So yes, Guy is now famous and immortalized on the internet. Honestly, I am amused that people have been finding this site, considering that it has been on the web just a short time (two weeks this Friday). I had too many stories to write when I first started though, so most of the entries were backdated to make it appear that the blog was started back in December or January.

Anyways, those cue cards are certainly back, and cooler than ever. I told a coworker the story, and he suggested I make some new super awesome cue cards. I matched the blue color of the Harlem Line signs, as well as the font face from the signs, and for good measure threw on a Metro North logo. They are incredibly convincing and official looking. I got Guy to model them yet again, though Peter again ran away from the camera :D

Now you are famous x2!

Here are the other cards:

This evening conductor Guy showed off his “Cue Cards” … for those troublesome passengers that happen to be listening to music devices with headphones and ignoring calls for tickets. He had several of them, asking for tickets, get your feet off the seat, and other amusing and useful phrases. They were all written on the back of one of the advertisement posters, conveniently ripped into smaller pieces. Another passenger’s suggestion was to get them translated into Spanish. Either way, I found the cards incredibly amusing. While snapping photos I said, “this is SO going on the internet.” After which conductor Peter, who was in the background of my picture taking, covered his face with his conductor’s hat. Guy’s response to that? “Yeah, you wouldn’t want to end up on Conductors Gone Wild or anything!” after which he began to dance around the car. Too great! Enjoy the pictures! (click to enlarge!)

In case you were wondering, trains have emergency buttons that are supposed to open the doors. It might be helpful to actually know where these buttons are. Monday was a most interesting night… we apparently left our conductor at the White Plains train station. She left her little key in the door (which is to prevent it from closing), and went on the platform, to make sure everyone was away from the train and nobody was going to get stuck in the doors or anything. Most unfortunately, the doors closed, and her key did not work.

Usually the conductor knows me and that I have a monthly pass, and I don’t have to show my ticket. Being that it was the first day of the month though, I was reaching into my bag to retrieve my ticket. I looked up when I heard knocking on the window… it was the conductor. She desperately pointed to the emergency button. She wanted someone to hit it.

That is certainly an opportune time to actually know where that button is. The other passenger in the car that was paying attention, in addition to myself, also had no idea where the button was. And so the train began to drive off, with her knocking on the window. I felt pretty damn bad…

…So bad that I made her two cards which I gave to her the day after. One had a picture of the White Plains train station on the front. On the inside it said “White Plains… I bet it is your favorite station now!” The other had a picture of a train on the front, and on the inside it said “Congratulations! I’ve missed my train before, but never so spectacularly.” Underneath that, in smaller letters it said “Sorry I had no idea where the button was!”

Lets just say that I most definitely know where the button is.

Unfortunately tonight was that conductor’s last night on my train. She is moving over to a different train after a weeks vacation. Her name was Gina, and I will miss her. She was pretty cool, and had a good sense of humor. :D