Every day when I ride the train down to White Plains, a crowd of folks hovers on the platform, waiting for the train to slow and then stop. They crowd around every door, masses of them, and a fight ensues. A fight of currents. The current of those disembarking clashes against those pushing themselves through and onto the train. If you don’t hold fast and push, you will be swept away before you can even place a foot on the yellow tactile stripping of the platform. And this, this is a daily ritual that I loathe. There is only one thing I hate even more than those that crowd around the doors attempting to get on the train: the people that hover in front of the doors, not to get on the train, but to accost each of the people disembarking with papers – usually some sort of politician’s propaganda. And while we’re being pretty honest here, I am not much of a fan of politicians, especially the ones that swarm train stations whenever an election looms. Some of you may remember back in the “olden days” when I first started this blog, every time a politician would forcibly hand me a piece of propaganda at a train station, I photoshopped it in some odd way and posted it. It was my own little way of rebelling. Though I may have stopped my photoshopping of politicians, the fact still remains: I don’t like politicians.

Politicians today are pretty weak. They don’t even write their own stuff, they get other people to do that. You think if they didn’t spend time writing it, the least they could do is memorize it. But no, they have to stoop to writing on their hands, using teleprompters, or just spewing complete bullshit that makes the rest of the world laugh at us – but hey, we elected them! It makes me want to go back to a time where politicians were badass… where they had duels to settle differences, and despite getting shot in the chest, still delivering their speeches. A time where the politicians could actually speak, a wonderful and eloquent stream of words – not any of this crap that dribbles like a man foaming at the mouth. Politics then would be a heck of a lot more interesting, and elections wouldn’t be a battle between the lesser of two evils.

I’m not sure if anyone really has a “favorite” historical politician. And if anyone does, it is probably a former president. I’m sure Abraham Lincoln’s name would probably come up. Maybe it is just a consequence of us looking back at history in retrospect. We learned his speeches in school, and heck, maybe even the fact that he was assassinated makes us look back and think, damn he was a good politician. But there was another man, not nearly as popular and most people today probably don’t even know his name, but I always seemed to think he was pretty cool. At minimum, he was a brilliant orator, the opposite side of the spectrum in terms of speeches today. But I must admit, perhaps I am a little biased about this fellow, as he was not only a politician, but he was also a railroad man.

Photographs of Chauncey Depew over the years

“Don’t be a damned fool!”
Usually when you’re looking to hire someone for a job, those are not the words you utter to the person you may potentially hire. But then again, most people aren’t the brusque Commodore Cornelius Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt approached a Peekskill-born lawyer by the name of Chauncey Mitchell Depew, offering him a position as the attorney for the New York & Harlem Railroad – a position he was about ready to turn down. Depew had been offered a position as the US Minister to Japan. At that time the journey to Japan took a full six months, and thus the sending of any message took a full year. However, the monetary compensation was far higher than the railroad job – and Depew said as much to the Commodore. It was then that the Commodore fired back with the following: “Railroads are the career for a young man; there is nothing in politics. Don’t be a damned fool.” Depew took the railroad job.

1895 Harlem Division pass, signed by Chauncey Depew

Chauncey Mitchell Depew was born in Peekskill, New York on April 23, 1834. In his youth he spent significant amounts of time reading – his uncle was a postmaster, and at the time there was no mail delivery. Mail often sat a long while until the recipient came to pick it up, and in the interim a young Depew would peruse any newspaper or magazine that would arrive. As a young man Depew would attend Yale, and graduated from there in 1856. At that time there were no law schools in the country, and one would have to “read law” – a sort of apprenticeship – to become a lawyer. Depew “read law” with a lawyer in Peekskill and was accepted to the bar in 1858. Before being called by Vanderbilt, Depew worked as a lawyer in New York City, and served a brief stint as a member of the New York Assembly, and the Secretary of State for New York.

Photograph of Chauncey Depew, from the Library of Congress

All of that probably sounds just as boring as the pedigree of any politician, but there was something about Depew that intrigues me. He was quite the orator, and rubbed elbows with quite a few influential people that maybe you’ve heard of: Horace Greeley, Abraham Lincoln, Rutherford Hayes, Chester Arthur, and Teddy Roosevelt, just to name a few. Depew was described as having a “personal charm and a lovable disposition” – but for the most part he was remembered in his day as a brilliant speaker. You can in fact read many of his speeches, as well as his as his autobiography, for free online – and if you ever get a spare moment, I do find them rather interesting.

Most people today, however, will remember Depew as a railroad man (even though he served as a senator later in life as well). He accepted Vanderbilt’s offer of a position in 1866, a time when Vanderbilt’s roads consisted of a little over two-hundred-and-fifty miles. In the early 1900′s, that number had ballooned to over twenty-thousand miles in the system. By 1874 Depew had ascended to the position of Director of the New York and Harlem Railroad, and by 1882 was the Vice-President for the New York Central. In 1885 he was elected to the presidency, and in 1898 chairman of the board. He served as chairman until his death in 1928, working for the railroad for a total of 62 years.

The cover of New York Central Lines magazine, after the death of Chauncey Depew

Upon his death, Grand Central was draped in mourning. If one questioned the influence of Depew, one needs only look to the list of pallbearers for his funeral, consisting of Vanderbilts and Rockefellers. His wife received condolences from American presidents and European royalty. Though the man is long gone and many have forgotten him, you will still occasionally see references to him: Depew Park in Peekskill, various Depew Streets located around train stations, and the village of Depew, New York, located upstate. And then, of course, there are the words he left behind…

If your construction of success was honestly analyzed, it would probably mean to most minds the getting of money. The desire to acquire property is the most potent force in the activities of our people. It is the mainspring of of our marvelous development, and the incentive and reward of intelligent industry. It is alike the cause of the noblest efforts and the most revolting crimes.

We are at present sailing upon tranquil seas, with no clouds above the horizon and no warnings from the barometer. It is at such times that the prudent and experienced navigator hopes for the best and prepares for the worst.

Keep the roads paved and free from obstructions by which the industrious, the honest, and the capable, with no additional capital but character, can rise from any condition to the highest honors of the Republic, and the largest rewards of business.

Give to all men and women their full opportunities to work on their own destinies, and provide the incentives to efforts and ambitions which promote the enterprises and develop the resources of the country, and enrich and invigorate its intellectual life.

The indestructible union of liberty and law has given character and perpetuity in American institutions. It produced those perfect conditions, of freedom, protection, and equality, which peoples have sought for ages through bloody revolutions, and never before found. It has attracted to our shores fourteen millions of emigrants, against the superior advantages of soil and climate in Mexico and South America, or equal material opportunities in Canada. Most of this vast population have fled from the oppression of laws made for classes and working injustice and wrong to the masses. They have been of incalculable benefit to the country, and without them onr development and resources would be fifty years behind their present state. They have brought with them industry, integrity, and an intense desire to better their lives and improve the condition of their children.

Steam and electricity have made us one people, and for commercial pnrposes unified the world.

Trust and confidence are the foundation of success. Without them it is useless to begin and impossible to advance.

While we’re continuing our celebration of Harlem Railroad Month, I figured profiling a man who got his start on the New York & Harlem Railroad would be appropriate. Conveniently, Depew’s birthday would be tomorrow – so we’ll wish the two of them Happy Birthday on this day!

Some people might be completely oblivious to the fact that elections are going on tomorrow. If you ride the train though, it is highly unlikely that you are one of those people. In the past week alone most train riders have been given handouts equal to our own weight. In fact, the janitors at all stations are probably putting in overtime, necessary to carry out the trash of all the handouts that the train riders are discarding.

In order to help out all our readers for tomorrow’s big vote, I’ve found all of the handouts and politicians from the past few days, plus some old favorites.

In the race for District Attorney, we have two strong candidates. Janet DiFiore, who may or may not have been on Law and Order, and Dan “The Pirate” Schorr!

Competing for Worst Halloween Costume are Beth “Goth Chick” Smayda and Tony “Batman” Castro

Best Halloween Costume is a toss-up between Charley “Superman” Wood, Tom “Cowboy” Roach, and Bill “Rooster” Ryan

Competing in the race for People That Make the Same Face in Every Picture are Tim Idoni and Bill Hyland

And lastly, we have our delightful contest for Lookalikes.

Leonard Lolis and Saddam Hussein

Rob Astorino and Vladimir Putin

Seriously though, go out and vote. Oh, and please remember to recycle.

So my morning train so far this week has been conductorless. Not to say he isn’t there, but I just haven’t seen him. Guy got switched to another job, and whoever took his place, well, I don’t know if this guy actually collects tickets. Considering this is a morning peak train going to Grand Central, I would think that tickets would sort of be, I don’t know, important? Really it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other, I have a monthly anyways. But there are a bunch of people that I know don’t, who just happened to get two free rides so far.

Even the school kids that ride the train were like, “Where’s Guy?” I guess he never told them he was leaving. They always liked him though. One morning they had an amusing conversation
Kid: Is your name really Guy?
Guy: Yeah…
Kid: Wow…
Guy: When I was first born, my parents didn’t know what to name me. So back then they called me Boy. Now they call me Guy. And after fifty they’ll be calling me Man.

Oh well. Tomorrow I have to go to the city for a meeting, so I’ll be taking a different train than normal. I won’t see if we go a third day in a row conductorless.

I suppose it is getting rather close to elections, and because politicians apparently adore White Plains, they’ve frequently been hanging around the station. And everybody knows how much I love politicians. Or rather, how I love to draw on their brochures. Last week folks were passing out stuff for Andy Spano. I couldn’t do anything too terrible to his face, because he looks a lot like my now deceased grandfather. I was amused by the fact that along with the brochure, they gave out antibacterial hand gel. What kind of political message does that get across? That we are dirty, dirty people? They totally missed the chance at cheesy marketing: Andy Spano, cleaning up Westchester one person at a time!


I left this on the ground at White Plains, in case one of the crazy people needed it.

In other news, the Cat Girl has returned. There are many people that ride the trains, passengers as well as conductors, that know me merely by the name Cat Girl. All because of my cat hat.

Since the temperature has begun to get colder, I’ve taken out the hat and have been wearing it for the past week or so. I always say that the cat hat spreads joy wherever it goes. Something quite so silly and minor, does in fact make people smile. An elderly disabled war veteran in White Plains. A woman whom I’ve nicknamed Ginger, who told me that every morning she sees me wearing the hat, it makes her smile. A rather effeminate young man was curious to know where one could purchase a hat similar. And you, passenger, I saw that little tug at the side of your lips, a barely-there smile, when I got on the train.

Since I’ve been asked far too many times, the hat was made by the wonderful Susan over at Boshi-Basiik. They make some incredibly cute hand made hats there, so do take a look.

Oh, and if you do happen to see a Cat Girl on the train, be sure to say hello :D

You know what I seemed to forget this whole summer? Kids that ride the train to school. It was so wonderfully quiet without them… but now they’re back! Around White Plains I tend to see quite a few students from *unnamed school*… and when they aren’t discussing how they use cell phones, text messages, and all the other current technologies to cheat on their exams, they focus on getting the rest of the train passengers sick with what is probably swine flu. If I was a little bit nicer, perhaps I would have brought a box of tissues with me and given it to the whole lot of them. The other day the train really was filled with a symphony of sniffles. They all piped in at one point or another, but one kid, well, he was the metronome. He kept the beat of the slow-paced song with his every-five-second sniffles. Several people boarded the train and sat rather close to these kids, but within a few moments of hearing their song, they quickly got up and left. But hey, if you feel like sitting by yourself on the train, you can also use this tactic. Just start a terrible round of fake hacking coughs when people are boarding the train… Eighty, if not more, percent of the time, everyone will keep their distance from you, the sickie.

The other day I had to double check that I didn’t have any vision problems when I saw two identical twins on the platform. The amusing thing is that they must have gotten into a fight or something, because they were each pretending like the other wasn’t there. They were standing about twenty feet from each other, and I stood right in the middle, looking from one side of the platform to another. Really, I thought I was crazy, or my eyes were playing tricks. Too bad I missed the fight, must have happened shortly before I arrived at the station. That might have been interesting. I wonder though, who the hell do you root for when two identical twins get in a fistfight?

In other news, politicians are again hanging out at the train station, oh joy! Politicians are always my favorite. Last week there was a man passing out papers about Rob Astorino. I always love to see what is going on, so I went to grab one. But the man didn’t hand one to me right away, instead he squinted his eyes and stared at me. And then he mumbled, “are you even OLD ENOUGH to vote?!” That is sort of like when I go to restaurants and the waitress asks if I want a kids’ menu. Or at work when someone asks me if I am visiting my mommy or daddy… dammit, don’t you just hate when that happens?!

Back to politicians though, is there any amusing term that one uses for a person that is constantly following around a politician? Groupie? Or perhaps fanboy? Mr. Astorino apparently needs to find some better fanboys to pass out papers, ones that don’t mumble and you can actually understand. Like Dan Schorr’s friend with the large moustache. He is very loud and you certainly can understand him, other than the fact that you wonder where the sound is coming from because his facial hair is so large you don’t see his lips move.

This week, Mr. Astorino himself was in White Plains. Sort of just standing there smiling. As everyone rushed by. But hey, I noticed something… the little brochure that was being handed out, it looked a lot like another politician I know! I can’t believe the resemblance! Even the design of the brochure is the same… can you believe it?

Alright, alright. Perhaps that was a bit much. But I mean, it isn’t like anyone ever photoshops pictures of politicians!

Actually, this whole thing was amusing, because I had the brochure sitting on my desk here at work, and my supervisor came in and said, “Oh my god, that is Robbie Astorino! I was in third grade with him!” If only she knew about Robbie and his american flag bikini. I think Sarah Palin has one just like it too! Hmm…

Train stations have lots of people… so I guess if you want to get your message out to people, why not hand out propaganda at a train station? From Jesus literature to politicians, free samples to train maps, with a little bit of fearmongering thrown in, we see it all at White Plains train station. I was delighted to notice this morning that the lovely mustached man that I had seen some months earlier, the one who asked me if the pigeon hanging out in the train station had a ticket. He was promoting for some guy named Dan Schorr. In other news, Dan Schorr is also a pirate, the evidence of which is below.

Now I am real sorry I didn’t take that Jesus literature I was offered the other day to draw on that. Even though Goldens Bridge isn’t too busy of a station (compared to White Plains), people still come to hand things out every once and a while, but mostly to leave posters around. The posters never seem to stay long however. Perhaps MTA employees are removing these posters that shouldn’t be there? In my mind though, I imagine a much more amusing situation… considering that when one poster is removed, another has appeared in its place. Opponents go to the train station, rip down their rival’s posters, and then place their own. Here is a great poster I snapped an image of in the morning. How corny is that tagline? I can imagine that meeting. “We can advertise at the TRAIN STATION! On the right track! THE RIGHT TRACK! You get it?!”

Now free things are always nice, but even free things can be considered propaganda. At least to me. Who wants to give anyone free anything… unless it might convince a few of them to buy something? Vitamin Water 10 tried and failed, at least with me. Nasty shit that was. My favorite free thing though, was a nicely designed map of the MTA railroads. The MTA had a table set up one morning filled with maps and schedules and such. I actually keep this in my bag. I’ll probably never use it, but hey, if I ever happen to get lost on the Long Island Railroad again, I’ll have it!