Oh man, I’m sitting in the waiting room in White Plains laughing my ass off, because that sleeper kid that I posted pictures of once before is back. And he is worse then ever. Giant book in hand, he keeps falling asleep, and rocking back and forth as gravity attempts to pull him out of the chair and onto the floor. He dropped his book, and the clatter woke him up. Apparently he was also trying to eat, and with his wide open mouth, the food dribbled out and onto the floor. The rest of the food just rests underneath him discarded, he must have dropped it. Eating while falling asleep probably isn’t the best of ideas, though at least he has the sense not to eat the food that fell on the ground. Right now, though, he is just snoring quite loudly, as the people that walk back and forth through the waiting room chuckle and stare.

In other news, the guy who always hangs out at White Plains station begging for dollars has also returned. Before he even asked me for money, I just said to him “We don’t have any money for you.” He replied back, “no dollars?” and my friend said, “No. No dollars. You are always here begging for money!” And with that, he left. I happened to come up with a brilliant idea though, but a bit too late to use on him. The next time anyone begs for money, I will say that if they stand right where they are and do a little dance or sing a song, and allow me to record it, I will give them a dollar. That way they get their money, and we get something hilarious to look at on the blog. Spectacular!

Though this morning wasn’t completely bust… the delightful Salvation Army trombone player was also back. And he brought his friends! They certainly sounded good, as I said before, much better than ringing that bell. I ended up giving them the dollar that I didn’t give to the beggar, certainly a far better investment. I did ask him what other stations he plays at, and he said Hartsdale and Scarsdale, so you riders over in those stations look for him and his cheerful Christmas tunes.

The more I post in this blog, the more I find myself split between posting pictures and stories of the crazy people I see, and relevant news regarding the Harlem Line. I think that I have come to a compromise of doing half and half. However, today is certainly a pictures of crazy people day. Oh, and remember, if you see some crazy people around the MTA trains, subways or buses be sure to take a picture and send it to me. :D

This funny guy kept trying to read, failing, and then falling asleep. I seriously thought he was going to fall out of his seat and onto the floor. There were a lot of sleepy people today, that is until one of the other crazies came upstairs and started shouting at them, “WAKE UP!”

I just thought this woman was funny, she was carrying this small rocking horse around on the platform, and then onto the train.

The other day I mentioned a girl with crazy hair carrying a mannequin torso… apparently she visited the train station again last night, this time she chose to carry a halloween pumpkin bucket. But this time I did take her picture. My coworker that saw her said that the tattoo on her face is probably real as well.

Also for amusement, here are some of the pictures that I was mailed today from the Christmas Carol Train Tour that was in Grand Central two weekends ago. On the train they took your photo, and then did a few “face morphs” to make you look like some of the characters from the movie.

I was slightly amused this morning… happened to find a post someone made on Craigslist, looking for a girl he met last night on the train.

Saw you on the train as I walked up the isle and took the seat diagonal to the right of you. You were messing around with your Blackberry Storm – seemed like you were having trouble playing the music, hope it finally works now. You had excellent taste in music, from what I saw you were rocking Kings of Leon (my fav), The Veronicas and The Beatles White Ablum (another good one). Also, not that I was totally stalking you, I saw that you ticket was to Crestwood when the conductor came by so you live pretty close, I’m from Bronxville. We made eye contact when I was standing up in front of you as we pulled into Bronxville, that’s when I noticed you had amazing eyes. I’d really like to hear from you and see if we have anything else in common besides good taste in music…

You: Attractive girl, dark hair with what seemed like redish highlights and a clip in it, light eyes and manicured nails.
Me: Dark curly hair (I needed a haircut), 5 o’clock shadow, jeans and white long sleeve shirt and black messenger bag

Good luck finding her, dude. It isn’t such a crazy idea… a few years back Patrick Moberg found his mystery subway girl after starting a website called NYGirlofmyDreams.com Though I guess the illustration and website is a bit more creative than Craigslist.

You can see the original post on Craigslist here.

You know what I seemed to forget this whole summer? Kids that ride the train to school. It was so wonderfully quiet without them… but now they’re back! Around White Plains I tend to see quite a few students from *unnamed school*… and when they aren’t discussing how they use cell phones, text messages, and all the other current technologies to cheat on their exams, they focus on getting the rest of the train passengers sick with what is probably swine flu. If I was a little bit nicer, perhaps I would have brought a box of tissues with me and given it to the whole lot of them. The other day the train really was filled with a symphony of sniffles. They all piped in at one point or another, but one kid, well, he was the metronome. He kept the beat of the slow-paced song with his every-five-second sniffles. Several people boarded the train and sat rather close to these kids, but within a few moments of hearing their song, they quickly got up and left. But hey, if you feel like sitting by yourself on the train, you can also use this tactic. Just start a terrible round of fake hacking coughs when people are boarding the train… Eighty, if not more, percent of the time, everyone will keep their distance from you, the sickie.

The other day I had to double check that I didn’t have any vision problems when I saw two identical twins on the platform. The amusing thing is that they must have gotten into a fight or something, because they were each pretending like the other wasn’t there. They were standing about twenty feet from each other, and I stood right in the middle, looking from one side of the platform to another. Really, I thought I was crazy, or my eyes were playing tricks. Too bad I missed the fight, must have happened shortly before I arrived at the station. That might have been interesting. I wonder though, who the hell do you root for when two identical twins get in a fistfight?

In other news, politicians are again hanging out at the train station, oh joy! Politicians are always my favorite. Last week there was a man passing out papers about Rob Astorino. I always love to see what is going on, so I went to grab one. But the man didn’t hand one to me right away, instead he squinted his eyes and stared at me. And then he mumbled, “are you even OLD ENOUGH to vote?!” That is sort of like when I go to restaurants and the waitress asks if I want a kids’ menu. Or at work when someone asks me if I am visiting my mommy or daddy… dammit, don’t you just hate when that happens?!

Back to politicians though, is there any amusing term that one uses for a person that is constantly following around a politician? Groupie? Or perhaps fanboy? Mr. Astorino apparently needs to find some better fanboys to pass out papers, ones that don’t mumble and you can actually understand. Like Dan Schorr’s friend with the large moustache. He is very loud and you certainly can understand him, other than the fact that you wonder where the sound is coming from because his facial hair is so large you don’t see his lips move.

This week, Mr. Astorino himself was in White Plains. Sort of just standing there smiling. As everyone rushed by. But hey, I noticed something… the little brochure that was being handed out, it looked a lot like another politician I know! I can’t believe the resemblance! Even the design of the brochure is the same… can you believe it?

Alright, alright. Perhaps that was a bit much. But I mean, it isn’t like anyone ever photoshops pictures of politicians!

Actually, this whole thing was amusing, because I had the brochure sitting on my desk here at work, and my supervisor came in and said, “Oh my god, that is Robbie Astorino! I was in third grade with him!” If only she knew about Robbie and his american flag bikini. I think Sarah Palin has one just like it too! Hmm…

Perhaps I pay a little bit more attention to the signs and advertisements on the train because I am a graphic designer. Or perhaps it is just because I am observant. Either way, I am often amused looking at the little messages people write on ads, and on the trains. People interacting with their surroundings. Probably stupid people.

Here is my collection to date of delightful bits of train graffiti. Perhaps sometime in the future there will be a part two… and if you happen to have any pictures of anything amusing, be sure to send it to me :D

Advertisements for television shows are quite common on the trains. Apparently this person thinks that TV is shit.

Goldens Bridge tends to frequently get graffiti similar to the one above. My hypothesis is that high school students are the ones making the marks, and Goldens Bridge gets many young people, between the local skater kids and the students that take the train to school. Kennedy High School is right down the street, and a shuttle bus picks up students at the station every morning.

My initial thought in seeing this is that someone forgot to write “For a good time, call…” Assuming that it is in fact a phone number, it is still missing an area code. Trying the various area codes from the New York area, the only promising number is in the area code 914. And that would be Dr. Jim Koo, located in Yorktown. Did someone on the train call information and not have anything to write on? Or maybe Dr. Koo is hoping for you to call him for a good time. He’ll give you a full physical.

Fuck you Conrail? Conrail??? Metro North was formed in 1983, and Conrail was before that. Is someone living in the past, or was this done a long, long time ago?

Apparently I’Am not very good at writing English…

Some of my older readers may recall my mention of a man that stroked my knee while riding the Long Island Rail Road. I do not like touchy people. I do not want to be touched by these people. This morning I was really engrossed with a novel I am reading, hanging out on the benches at White Plains station, waiting for my shuttle bus to arrive. Apparently I was so engrossed that I didn’t see the shuttle arrive. A man, who also apparently rides the shuttle and looks to be a fairly new rider, walked over and placed his fingers on top of my hand, alerting me to the arrived shuttle. I sort of thought this was awkward. Never have we ever had a conversation before, and as of yet we still have not. He just touched my hand and then walked away. He could have say, spoke aloud, or if he was really intent on touching me to notify me, he could have tapped me on the shoulder, right? Perhaps I shouldn’t be quite so bothered by this incident, but it just felt rather awkward.

In other news, the train has been more like a zoo this week… in fact a man was so alarmed by this fact I saw him putting on bug spray prior to getting on the train! (okay, I exaggerate, but he was putting on bug spray!) Yesterday we had an adorable kitten by the name of Trouble. Today we had an obnoxious little dog, who knows what his name was. Not counting service dogs, I don’t really think animals have all that much place on the trains. Small animals either on the passenger’s lap or in a carrier I think are acceptable. But walking your dog on a leash in the train aisle is kind of dumb to me. I certainly hope she picked the dog up when exiting the train. Well, I am sure she did, otherwise I would have been hearing “oh come help, Fido fell in the gap, we need to save him!”

If I owned a building that had an escalator in it, I would frequently switch the direction on it, just to screw with people.  I can’t actually recall a time where I’ve actually seen an escalator  changed to go in the alternate direction… well that is until today. Apparently some funny person at the White Plains train station decided to do so. The north side escalator, which normally goes down, was going up. The south side escalator was not working. (So I am sure this wasn’t a joke, probably a conscious decision, in that it is easier to carry heavy items down stairs than it is to carry them up)

As I was riding up the escalator, I shouted out to my friend, “What the heck is this shit? Are they trying to fuck with us today?” A man observing at the top level began laughing. I’m not sure how long it had been going the opposite direction, but every time a train pulled into the station, it was absolute hilarity. Nowadays people are so focused on their technology, whether it be texting or talking on a phone, or maybe listening to some music, but people really don’t pay attention to what is going on. Several of these people just walked right onto the escalator without even noticing it was going the alternate direction, and were firmly deposited right back where they started. Other people gave some funny looks and walked away. And my favorites were the people that just walked over and stared dumbfounded at the escalator for far too long, perhaps contemplating the meaning of life as they blocked the people attempting to come up.

Let’s just say I was very depressed that I didn’t have my camera on me to take some video of that.

The other freak out of the day was me playing a joke on my friend. Monday morning as we waited for the shuttle bus to come pick us up at the station, I saw a man walk by and he was glancing at her. Just joking around I said, “oh look at him look at you, I think he likes you!” Silly innocent comment. Well fast-forward to later in the day, my friend comes into my office and work and hands me a paper printout of a mugshot. She said, “Is this the man we saw this morning at the train station?!” Apparently she was watching America’s Most Wanted online during her lunch break, and up comes a picture of a guy who is wanted for two murders. It also said that it is possible he is on the run in New York. I assured her that it wasn’t the guy we saw. But quite honestly, I can’t remember. I highly doubt it though.

Anyways, today I thought about Google searching the name of the man, so I asked my friend if she still had the printout she showed me earlier. She left it with me, and I said I would look and see online. Later in the day, I went to her cubicle and said that I had found information about him online. The conversation went somewhat like this:

Me: Yeah, I saw a website that said they saw him not too long ago in New York. At a train station too!
Her: What train station? Was it Metro North?
Me: Yeah, I think so… I’m trying to remember the name of the station, oh what is it called? Oh yeah, Fleetwood.

Of course this freaked her out, since Fleetwood is the station that she rides from… and I was totally bullshitting. So you probably don’t have to worry about that America’s Most Wanted fugitive, Calvin R. Sinclair. But hey, if you did happen to see him, you’d probably notice. He’s only 4’7″. There are elementary-schoolers taller than him! I know by experience… I’m pretty darn short, and even *I* am taller than him!

I believe this is the the third week I’ve been taking a new train to work in the morning. I sort of got tired taking the train that came down from Wassaic… Golden’s Bridge was the last stop before White Plains, so there were always few seats, and lots of pushing and shoving to be the first to get in the doors of the train. Ten minutes earlier there is another train that is much less busy, and I can always find a seat without any difficulties.

Of course, there are still odd folks, as there are on probably every train. I made a post a week or so back about people drinking beer on the train on their way home… clearly those people are not cool. You can only be cool if you drink beer in the morning on the way TO work! Shoppers at Target of Mount Kisco, if you smell alcohol on a sales associate at around 8am you probably aren’t imagining it!

Today there was an intriguing man making a complete mess all over the train. There was a puddle underneath him, flowing into the aisles. Up against his crotch, he held a half-empty one gallon jug with water inside. It was a very odd way to be holding it. The lid was pointed down towards the floor, which I assume is where the puddle was coming from. If the jug was pointed the opposite way, I totally would have thought he’d be peeing in it. Thankfully I got off the train shortly after.

Yesterday my “lesbian lover” also made an appearance at the train station. She has an office down the hall from me at work, and the extent we speak is pretty much an occasional “good morning” or things of that nature. A few months back the woman turned up at the train station. She must have felt awkward being around hundreds of strangers, because she saw me and must have thought “That girl! I recognize her! Let’s have an awkward conversation, even though we’ve never talked and I really don’t know her… but hey, at least I know her more than all these other strangers!!” Another coworker that I wait with at the train station, didn’t realize she worked at our company as well, and was entirely convinced that she was a lesbian attempting to hit on me. Yesterday was the second time I’ve seen her at the train station. She didn’t see me, perhaps that is a good thing.

Lastly, I went looking for my chapstick in the bottom of my bag and instead of being able to find it, I found some delightful handouts I’ve received in the past few weeks. I recall seeing a bunch of people standing in the train station lobby looking all suspicious one day, and then they gave me this card:

(at least that is better than getting asked by an obnoxious man about fifty million times whether I was a registered member of the Democratic Party, like I did this morning) Oh, and my personal favorite, the “Jesus literature”. Those people are always passing shit out at the train station. Hey, at least I got one in ENGLISH this time!

In other news, Jesus literature does not burn very well. In case you like, wanted to make a fire with it or something. Just putting that out there…

While riding the train I always see a lot of people drinking beer after work. I wonder if some people solely ride the train just because they can drink and ride, instead of getting arrested for drinking and driving. I also notice that just about every single person who drinks beer, leaves their empty beer bottles and cans on the train when they get off. You know, just so everyone sees how cool they are that they drink and ride. Everybody know you gotta show off like dat, yo.

Some people get started early…

And others enjoy the beginning of the weekend…

Either way, you’re just not cool if you aren’t drinking beer on the train.

Hey, maybe Metro North could even do a promotion, touting the best reason to ride the train! Completely ignore the fact that the majority of people do actually have to drive their cars home after getting off at the train station. Replace those boring train advertisements, and do a little something like this:

Using a tweezer to trim your nose hairs is best left to at home, not the train waiting room.

It is really annoying when you go through your entire phone’s library of ringtones, playing each as loud as possible in an effort to pick the best one. You may think you look hawt, but you don’t.

If you are not one of the homeless people living in the train station, you probably have enough change to go and buy yourself a dumb newspaper. Picking through the garbage in an effort to find a newspaper suitable to read just makes you look really lame.